If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. … 1 Corinthians 13
Being a new mom is challenging. Throw in an intensely strong-willed toddler, along with a constantly nursing baby – and a husband who is home for eight hours every third day – and there I was, a young mom in the throes of a sweet and turbulent new season.
I should also mention I was newly saved with a well-maintained and highly functioning people pleasing handicap. Fear and guilt of disappointing family left me emotionally and physically placing others well above my own emotional and physical needs.
With two children always in my arms and nowhere to go – church became my two-day-a-week social outing. One evening during an altar call, the gentleman speaker began to pray over me. He tapped me on my collar bone while stating these words, “Your husband comes first.” . . . Nothing more. Weeping was an understatement – his words flooded my heart with guilt, condemnation, and more feelings of loneliness and exhaustion. Did he not see the one-year-old on my hip, the three-year-old clasping my leg? Did he not see the dark circles under my eyes, my shirt covered in baby milk drool? … Did he not see my head bow in the weight of trying, trying, trying … ? How was I supposed to try harder than I already was? How was I suppose to put my husband first when I saw him every few days and babies that needed me?
No. This “praying man” heard a “word” and spoke it through a filter of “knowing” instead of loving. Loving the wounded and understanding her pain. This man’s words rattled through my heart as he tapped on my emotionally fragile collar bone. His words left me confused, hurt, and exhausted with yet another person to please.
That night happened decades ago, sadly, my story merges with countless others who have been given words that hurt rather than healed. There will be church people in our lives who speak without compassion or understanding – however, we can do better. We can be a people who offer living water, refreshed hope, and a shoulder of understanding. However, we must lean into the value of relationship before we offer our two-cents worth of instruction.
Church – what if God gave you knowledge to show you how to love another? What if He gave you insight so you may speak to their heart instead of their actions you disagree with?
That night, decades ago … what if that praying man would have said, “I see your weariness, your husband is weary too – as you both lean into Jesus, He’ll give you strength.”
Being seen is better than being told.
If we have not love, “we gain nothing”. That night, decades ago – there was nothing gained for Christ. If we are to call one another to the altar, be willing to expose your cross and places of your death before you point a finger at their heart handicaps. I believe humility and honesty speak the love that gains space and opens doors for Jesus’ love to pour through.
“For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.” Philippians 1:21
Church, let’s give them Jesus. ♥
