Category: Blog

Choices – help for those making them, and those affected by them

How often do we stand at a decision-making moment only to feel overwhelmed and scared?  For me, it feels like I’m standing in the middle of a seven-lane highway during rush hour. The trucks, cars and semis are my various size thoughts that revolve around my choice – some carry more weight than others – some are erratic and steer wildly – some take up more space and I can’t see past them.  In those moments of needing to choose I feel overwhelmed. Relate?

 

Then there are the choices made by others that affect us.  Choices our parents made – choices our children make – choices made by those we’ve come to love.  When their choice hurts or harms us, it feels like an injustice has been done.  Our heart yelps, it’s not fair, I didn’t choose this!  Or, we feel frustrated, if only they’d have chosen differently! Keep reading, friend, I will address this too.

 

Choices, the one’s we make, and the one’s we didn’t … how do we navigate them?

 

For the analytical type, there are some strategies that help when making a decision.  Such as asking yourself questions like these:

  • What is the probable outcome of the choice I’m about to make?
  • What outcomes are highly unlikely?
  • What are the likely outcomes of not choosing this one?
  • What would be the outcome of doing the exact opposite?

 

For the emotionally driven type – Sakichi Toyoda, the founder of Toyota came up with a “Why” driven approach to problem solving.  When needing to make a decision, ask yourself “why” five times (or more) until the question leads you to the root cause of the choice you’re about to make.

Example:  Why do I want a dog?

Why? – Because I want a companion to hike/walk with.

Why? – Because moving my body and being in nature will help me.

Why? – Because I’ve been through a hard season of motherhood.

Why? – And my heart feels broken, fragmented … in need of love and dedication without tension.

Why? – So, I can heal.

 

Two years ago, those were my why’s. The last why was the root of my choice – I wanted a dog because I felt a dog would help me heal.  This approach can feel abstract; however, it can lead you down some insightful trails of why you do what you do – or, are choosing to do what you do. 

 

Lastly, for those choices we didn’t make that affect us deeply, recognize who holds the responsibility for the choice.  It’s not you, it’s them.  Often times, when a choice is made that is near to us, we unknowingly assume responsibility for it.  This happens because we deeply love the person who is responsible for the choice made.  We don’t want to see them suffer or feel pain – we hurt for them, are scared for them, and we get irritated because we know there could have been a better outcome had they’d chosen differently.

 

In every choice we are impacted with, know this, God is able to meet us in our choice.  There is no boundary, obstacle, or choice rendered that God is not able to cross into.  None.  For that reason, we hope in Him.  Submit your choice to Jesus, allow Him in to your deciding place … listen and watch. 

Psalm 139: 7-12 (MSG says it best) 

 

Let your choice be a place of faith – where hope and trust hold hands into the next step.

 

Blessings,

Stepping Into Autumn – and other inspirational ideas

Summer switched off too quickly for me.  Like a flip of a light switch, fall has been turned on.  I’d prefer summer to be on a dimmer switch; gently and slowly fading out and into the cooler, darker months.  Within the last few days my heater has been turned on and my clothes have become heavier … flannels, sweaters, thick socks – hello comfy clothes.  Suddenly, I crave soup! Onion and garlic (the dynamic duo) are added to every recipe I make.  The new season is at hand and we are ushered into finding a new rhythm, a rhythm that flows with the same consistency and surety of Autumn … the colors will change, the temperatures will drop, and darkness will come earlier.  

 

It’s time to step into the new season – and I have some ideas to help you.

 

Stepping into Autumn, for me, looks like this . . .

 

Soup, lots of soup. Spices and root vegetables like garlic and ginger make one feel warm from the inside.  As the weather cools and the air crisps, our body asks for heat – and we find comfort in the nourishment we give it.

Here are a few of my favorite recipes:  

 

My indoor space must be a peaceful place!  That means summer clutter must go.  As you’re pulling out sweaters and sweatshirts, be sure to store away your summer wardrobe.  Or better yet, assemble your “get-rid-of” pile of clothes to be donated. Here are few other things I do as I prepare my home:

  • Stock up on pantry items (canned goods, condiments, dry foods).
  • Closets that feel too full, or have things falling out – give them a good purge!
  • Speaking of declutter, clear your surfaces to clear your mind. Clutter free surfaces invite peace and rest – trust me, try it.

 

Create a schedule that reflects Autumn’s rhythm.  Summer events have passed, football and pumpkin patch outings begin.  As our energy levels drop to the pace of the sooner setting sun, so should our calendar.  Personally, I love empty squares on the calendar – those squares feel like freedom to me.  For that reason, I try my absolute best to keep an empty square between two filled squares. 

 

Speaking of … is your planner looking tired and uninspiring?   I love A Well-Planned Gal planner they’re beautifully designed with places for all your tracking needs, and come with addons such as stickers, bookmarks, and snap in folders.  Sometimes all you need to feel more organized is a lovely space to create your schedule.

 

Engage your beauty!  Let Autumn inspire you to try new colors.  Check out Color Wise Me before you go shopping for your next fall color cardigan. 

 

For those who are hesitant to see summer go, I feel you.  For the vast majority who are currently ordering their Pumpkin Spice Latte’s and bundling their corn stalk decorations, go you!  For all of us, I hope you step into Autumn’s pace with a slower, and observant stride – I hope you stop to see the wonder around and the beauty in front of you – I hope these days bring you peace and comfort. And I hope you know God never changes, His faithfulness is found in all our seasons. 

 

Blessings,

Waiting for the Perfect Day

The plane was scheduled to leave in fifteen minutes.  Sitting next to me, a child sat crafting a school project.  “What are you working on?” I asked inquisitively.  Without looking up, “a rocket” he mumbled.  My eye’s scanned the chairs across from me; sure I would see his parents watching intently . . . indeed, sitting across from me was a well-known author in the homeschool community.   The mom author asked if I home-schooled? – we connected with a hearty handshake and a few family stats.  She identified me as someone on her level of professionalism – and I felt welcomed into her community. 

 

Awaking from that dream – I navigated my way up dark stairs to a dimly lit computer desk.  Pulling a white, three ring binder from its place of slumber – what am I saving this for?  These words that I hoped would someday be a book?

 

What good are our talents if they’re not given?

 

My husband developed a friendly relationship with a retired couple.  They bought some land and placed a little trailer on it, we would weekly cut their grass.  The wife died before they could build their retirement home overlooking the green hills of the country side.  I listened as the husband tearfully recalled a private moment. While cleaning out his deceased wife’s clothing drawer, he found beautiful lingerie carefully wrapped in tissue paper . . . “What was she saving this for?” his red, tear soaked eye’s looked at mine with a pain of loneliness and an ache to hold her again.

 

If we save for the perfect day, are we depleting this day?

 

While I shuffled papers and pondered pretty nightgowns gone unworn – I was reminded of this, God is abundance, a source of unending resources.  If we hide our journey, hide our vulnerabilities, hide our stories – we deplete this day of solutions, of hope, and of relationship.

 

Do you have something on hold?  Something tucked away for the perfect day?  May I persuade you to visit its slumbering place? Consider this day the day of opening your heart and hand.  The talent you privately nurture, the words you hesitate to say, or the adventures you place on hold because . . . why?

 

This is the day that the Lord has made;
    let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24 (ESV)

 

Will there ever be a perfect time or do we create the perfect time and the right day when we hand over what we’ve held in waiting?  

 

This is the perfect day – this flawed and unplanned day – to acknowledge you have much to give.  Be brave as you slip into the uncomfortable – it’s a vulnerable garment.  You will feel exposed and wonder, am I good enough to be accepted?   Your story, your talent, your journey – they are waiting to be welcomed into community.

 

Blessings,

 

Judge Not, Silent Therapy

His leash dragged on the floor of the department store, he walked slowly as his hip bulged with an under the skin growth … he was old.  I could see his age in the grey hairs around his nose.  Where shiny black hair used to cover him, it was now greying and dull.  He wore a bright orange vest that read, “Therapy Dog” with worn and faded threads that looked as if it had been worn for several outings.  He stayed close to his owner, willingly without a hand holding him.  

His owner, a grey-haired man with a faded Vietnam Veteran hat that gave insight to his age and history; a short and slender man with faded arm tattoos and deep wrinkles around his eyes.  His black torn t-shirt and faded blue jeans with the oil stains made the partnership between dog and man seemingly connected and loyal.   

 

As the man searched the dog followed.

 

“Dogs offer so much therapy.” a friend proclaimed as he talked about his new puppy.  I’d never thought about the therapy a dog offers – only its service.  Sure, I’d seen our elderly dog (going on 15 years now) be a faithful companion to my daughters.  She’s done it all from chasing a four-wheeler to playing dress-up … our little Cairn/Bichon mix brought joy and companionship to my girls.  Now that my older girls have moved out – she sleeps a lot, growing older and continuously resting at my feet.

 

I didn’t think I needed therapy until I got a dog.

 

Can therapy be silent?  I didn’t think so – therapy meant person to person discussion, reliving and sorting emotions, trauma, and finding closure to heart pained events.  There is a reason empty-nesters, veterans, elderly, and broken people, get pets … we need something to love us and choose us.  When we have no words to offer and acceptance of our season of life is mandatory – when wrestling with an empty nest feels like an empty next … perhaps a little therapy does a heart good.

 

My lab/bulldog mix puppy is obnoxious – he’s a year-old terminator who will chew a shoe, greet you with a nose in your crotch, and demand walks, runs, and frisbee throws … and I love him.  He chooses me over anyone else, follows me, watches me … and mostly obeys.  Most of all, the therapy he gives is joy and a willingness to be with me no matter where I’m going or resting. 

 

So, the next time someone’s dog irritates you or causes you to judge a person for loving on their pets so much … chances are, that person is in need of a little therapy, a little love from something that chooses them.  And mostly, some joy in their life that comes from a silent and faithful companion.

 

Blessings,

Things To Know When Traveling With an Introvert

You may be thinking, they never want to go anywhere!  That’s not entirely true, we introverts like to see new sights and enjoy fun entertainment … we just like them during slow seasons when other people aren’t crowding our space.   If you’re traveling with a ‘less than excited’ introvert – I have some tips that will give you some relational brownie points and get you both excited about vacation!

 

As an introverted wife, married to a extraverted husband – there are times when our ideas of vacation differ drastically. From beaches to mountains, and to a crowded cruise line (that one inspired a panic attack) … our ideas of vacation have differed over the years.  As means to find some enjoyment with each other on vacation – I have a few tips for you . . .

 

They will require some comforts of home  –

At the end of a beach day or sight-seeing day – we introverts crave getting settled again.  Our settling comforts from home help us unwind and feel grounded again.  Things like our cozy blanket, fuzzy pajamas or essential oils – these small things give us pleasure!  I’ll let you in on a little secret, this vacation – I’m taking my Keurig! It may sound silly however, while others are standing in the kitchen waiting to get their cup filled, I will be waking quietly in my room (brewed coffee in hand) avoiding the morning chitter-chatter.  Allow your introvert to bring from home the items they feel most at home with.  You’ll score bonus points if you mention that there is space in the travel compartments for their comforts – this shows them you care enough to notice what makes them happy.

 

Give them time to listen without the need to respond –

We love your stories … or rather … we love you!  Therefore, we will patiently listen while you retell your work saga or recall a funny memory.  Please don’t stop communicating to us or think your words aren’t important to us; however, there will be times when we need to not have to respond.  When you see us reading or popping in earbuds – take this as a hint that we are recharging and enjoying the thoughts in our head.  We introvert’s love to think, however the need to respond can be tiring if we haven’t had ample time with our own thoughts. 

 

It’s not personal, we just need alone time –

Introverts tend to take in more than words – we also feel the emotions of those talking to us.  As well as absorb the environment we’re in.  For instance, if we’re in a crowded room with loud music, our nerves get stimulated generously.  It’s like getting constant static shock – we need time to get away from the stimulus.  If you’re traveling with kids, begin to instruct them about “quiet time” and recognize when it’s needed.  When we see our needs being valued and respected – you’ll experience a happier and more willing traveling companion. 

 

Give us time to small talk our way into conversation

The reason small talk is exhausting to an introvert is because we simply can’t think topically.  Where extraverts can get recharged exchanging facts and pleasantries – we need to dive deep where undiscovered and unspoken thought is waiting to be discovered.  It’s a neurological fact that our brain pathways are longer, needing more thoughtful stimuli. Whereas an extravert are shorter, needing smaller and quicker spurts of thought.   We certainly enjoy bringing our brain to the conversation!  We love to ask pondering questions.  When you see your introvert doing this – engage them.  Often times introverts feel alone because people simply do not engage their level of conversation. 

 

The best part about traveling with an introvert is their ability to see and hear things you may have missed.  They will pick up on subtle colors in the sunset and remember how you made them feel at the dinner table.  They will embrace moments and recall their emotions at a later time.  When you travel with an introvert they will add depth to the vacation … when you acknowledge and value their perspectives, you’ll gain their excitement and longing for future adventures together.

 

If you’re an introvert, drop a comment tip you’d love for your extraverted spouse or friend to know!

 

Happy travels!