Category: Healthy Mind & Heart

Church, teach us about repentance

There are some things the church does fantastically – we gather community, read scripture together, organize enthusiastic gatherings, we give voice to encouraging speakers, raise money for those in need, and much more … if you’re a person who has the privilege of speaking biblical life into another or give trusted space for someone to speak into yours, then you’re in a good spiritual spot.  Paul petitions us to let our words be seasoned with salt – because salt is a preservative.  The salt I’m writing about isn’t meant to taste bitter rather it’s meant to promote and preserve relationships.  

 

Let’s talk about Repentance.

 

A few years ago, I wrote a piece about our responsibility toward God’s promises – promises partner us with God.  And when He gives us a promise it’s up to us to uphold our end of the agreement.  Those bible promises, apart from relationship and obedience to Jesus, have no meaning. Yet, when those promises are attached to a submitted heart – they link us to our greatest Source for overcoming this life and all it’s hardships.  

 

May we talk about the relationship between forgiveness and repentance?  Jesus made possible this powerful connection, where there is repentance there is forgiveness.  When we turn away, depart from, and change our sinful behaviors – we are welcomed into relationship with Jesus.  Jesus came to give us forgiveness of sin, a penalty we couldn’t possibly pay for … but there is an agreement that comes with the forgiveness, there needs to be repentance.

 

For those who have needed to forgive another, you’ve probably been taught to turn the cheek (Matthew 5:39) or the seventy-seven-times rule (Matthew 18:22) – you’ve probably been instructed to keep forgiving, keep your heart free from anger or resentment … we’re instructed biblically to forgive those who sin against us … but we’re not biblically instructed to keep a relationship with those who have not demonstrated repentance (a change of behavior and actions).

 

Is there relationship with Jesus apart from repentance? … no

 

We are to forgive one another (Colossians 3:13).  This is a biblical principle that allows the burden of our judgments to be rendered to Jesus, and it’s usually the first “next step” when it comes to healing … has repentance been given the same instruction and discussion?  For example, if an individual is in a situation where they have to continuously forgive themselves or another, then it’s time to evaluate what we’re teaching, allowing or enabling.

 

Church, did you know the Merriam-Webster dictionary revealed the most popular word searched for online in 2022 was Gaslighting?  This is a sin that is manipulative, controlling and emotionally destructive.  In my research there are many therapists and councilors who dive into this subject, yet hardly an article nor a sermon from a biblical view point on how this behavior is affecting families, spouses and children.  It seems as though Tik Tok has become the voice of insight to our younger generation with 32.5% of the app’s users are between the ages of 10 and 19. Torres-Mackie, from Healthline Mental Health, also reminds us that being on social media itself can be damaging to mental health. “If you are opening social media apps to get mental health information, there’s a high likelihood you will drift to other content that is not supportive of mental wellbeing.”

 

Is Tik Tok instructing the pivoting points of repentance or forgiveness? 

 

And here’s another word: Pornography – 68% of church-going men and over 50% of pastors view porn on a regular basis. Of young Christian adults 18-24 years old, 76% actively search for porn.  The statistics of sexual sin is staggering –  Is there forgiveness for this, yes – are we giving as much attention to instructing the death of our flesh as well as the consequences that come with sexual sin? … when was the last time you heard a sermon addressing the repentance of sexual sin, lust and perversion to heterosexuals?  My guess is that this topic isn’t as common in your news feed.

 

Obviously, it’s difficult for the church to cover all sins, and repentance is a heart posture convicted by Holy Spirit’s leading – the church is responsible for teaching sound doctrine, hard truths, and promoting salty conversations.  Shouldn’t we be discussing what is affecting us the most?  Sin?  And not just from a view point of “theirs” but also “ours.”  The church is also responsible for what they’ve gathered in the name of Jesus, community of like-minded believers who are seeking something bigger than themselves … Jesus and His forgiveness with repentance.  Are we demonstrating well the agreement of repentance and forgiveness we have with Jesus?

(Luke 3:3, Luke 24:47, Acts 2:38)

 

Apart from the institutional church, are you speaking hard truths to your friends, to those who trust you to speak into their lives? Are you demonstrating to them repentance from your sin, apologizing and taking responsibility for the offence it gave with a change of behavior?  I ask myself this as I type …

 

Personally, the greatest friendships I have are the ones who know how to apologize … how to accept responsibility for their actions and move forward with awareness and changed behavior.  One’s act of repentance allows another to trust the examination of their own heart.  Why? Because there is no fear in love … repentance and forgiveness are loving demonstrations toward each other and to Jesus.

 

Forgiveness is the salve to a wound, the wound caused by sin.  Repentance is the choice to not let sin continue to cause wounding.  Either with your own sin or the sin of another. 

 

Church, are we acknowledging and teaching this agreement Jesus instructs?  Repentance upholds our promise of forgiveness. Repentance changes our course of life; it demonstrates to another the safety and surety we have in Jesus. Repentance gives relationships strength and direction. Can we get more encouragement, teaching and relationships involved with this?  This is where the institutional church and the Body of Christ can walk together … where there is sound teaching, let us strive to live in accordance to it, to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with our God.

 

Blessings, 

ps.

If you find yourself on a repetitive pattern of needing to forgive someone who is not walking in the ways of lasting repentance, I highly recommend, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes by Lysa Terkeurst. (affiliate link)

Cared-For ways to begin the New Year (31 of them!)

There is a lot of hype that comes with the new year – the idea of starting fresh is exciting. Perhaps you’ve already written out your resolutions … and perhaps your list reveals some unsettled and unhappy realities (ouch, I feel that too) … the idea of starting over sheds light on the areas of your daily rhythms that feel tired, worn, broken, and neglected.  

 

If only the ten-second-ball-drop was how long it took to wipe away all the previous year’s baggage – emotional weight, physical and mental trauma’s, family and work disfunction, and even … fried food splurges. 😏

 

“We do not learn from experience; we learn from reflecting on experience.”

 

Are you ready to make a lasting change for the new year? A change to unhealthy mindsets and behaviors, perhaps the ones driving your resolutions and goals?  I’m not – because lasting change happens when we choose to reflect on lessons given.  A quiet and stubborn military friend of mine put it this way – “I can’t be taught, but I can learn.” Maybe you’re not prepared to have those hard conversations, start a disciplined work-out regime, or hit-the-ground-running with big goals, and confident strides.  And maybe those self-defeating thoughts have you continuing on into the new year without the hope of ever seeing real change, new growth, or feeling excited … perhaps you simply need to learn from previous lessons and make the necessary changes from them.

 

January is a good month for rest and reflection, caring acts toward our mind, body, and soul. 

 

I’ve come up thirty-one days of cared-for ways to begin the new year with compassion, gentleness, and forward movement from reflection.

 

Do one everyday or pick your favorites – simply move at your cared-for pace.

 

These are my top five favorites – my subscribers have already received the entire list in their inbox! You too can get the entire, printable list delivered automatically by joining my email list.

Blessings to your new year!

Send me the list of 31 Cared-For ideas!

Pursuing Softly – three ways to find your new year’s path

 – I don’t want to finish the year strong; I’d rather carry on softly.  Do you feel that way too?  As I reflect at another year that’s quickly past by, I find myself pondering a few big and quiet finish lines – lines drawn in sand and lines marking a new start.  I’m not about waving a finish strong checkered flag, but rather a keep going softly stride.  

 

I’m a hiker, not so much for the exercise, rather for the mental peace it gives.  There is a type of hiking trail I prefer walking on – the trails that lead through pine trees.  These trails are rich with the smell of composting pine needles and bark.  It’s a scent that beckons me to pause and breathe deep, the fragrance itself washes away stale air and stress held deep in my soul.  

 

Visually, the green and brown hues cast a soft light and ground treasures are easily seen; peach and purple-colored mushrooms, marble-like acorns, and pinecones small enough to make a pearl-like necklace, all revealed in their tiny wonder.

 

Walking these paths give gentle cushion to a weary back.  It’s the needles that soften the ground. With every step their therapeutic release is felt radiating from the feet up through knee and hip joints. Like a heavy coat removed, burdens are slipped off a weary back. 

 

Choosing to walk a softer path is not a reward for exhaustion – it’s a choice to give yourself compassion.

 

Paul say’s in Philippians 3:14, “I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”  We’ve adapted the phrase “press on” to imply our physical, mental and emotional state must suffer to get to Jesus – strain and push ourselves to breaking health.  This breaking point is at times esteemed as strength and great faith. Actually, the word “press” is translated in Greek as “I pursue”.

 

Paul’s “press on” simply means pursue Jesus – follow Him.  Jesus is not a “catch-Him-if-you-can” leader, rather He gently demonstrated great tenderness toward His disciples upon washing their feet, then said  “I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.” John 13:15 – His hands soften the dry, burdened, and callused by giving you a resting seat at as His wash basin. 

 

I pray this new year or new season of life you’re in reveals Jesus’ softness toward you – His gentle and compassionate leadership.  Jesus loves us gently, softly and definitely … we can softly press on by pursuing the paths that guide us to the destinations where Jesus demonstrates His care for our body, mind, and soul.

 

Here are my top three ways I’m pursuing a softer path accompanied by a few authors who’ve inspired me to press on softly – softer with my heart and mind.

 

BE KIND. 

Be kind to your heart and mind. 

“I will tell you this: The Lord of Creation owns both the light and the darkness.  He is Lord of both summer and winter, of good times and bad.  To Him, day and night are alike.  He has no circadian rhythm. The one who rules over the darkness can’t be overruled by yours. ―Turning of Days, Hannah Anderson

 

BE GROWING. 

Growing is not always a forward motion. Deep growth happens when we’re paused, quiet, and resting. 

“As the body of Christ in particular, we are invited to participate in this holy work of holding space. The apostle Paul speaks to this idea in 2 Corinthians 1:3-4,

Paradoxically, as we engage in our own deep emotional work, we love each other in the most alive, empathic ways. We do not see the people in front of us as tasks of obligations – they are the imago Dei (image of God), and we see and feel with them.”― Aundi Kolber, Try Softer

 

BE DONE.

Be done with unhealthy ways – in all the complexity and the struggle – being done is a good place to start living.

“Boundaries aren’t a method to perfect but rather an opportunity to protect what God intended for relationships.” ― Lysa Terkeurst, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes 

 

Blessing to you as you walk out of 2022 and into 2023,

 

 

Let’s stay connected

How to enjoy the holidays as an introvert (tips & take-aways)

Christmas is a hopeful time of year no matter what personality type you are. However for the introvert it can feel overwhelming and forced.  For us, it’s a balancing act of embracing the traditions without losing our joy … and there IS joy in the season – not in the shopping or preparing – the joy is in the giving and receiving, as well as relating in our faith to another.  Much of those experiences are found at the gatherings, the parties, and the family chaos. The joy we desire is in the meaningfulness of the season. 

 

How does an introvert enjoy the holiday without surrendering the depth of who they are?

 

Being a deep and sensitive person is truly a super power, you see and hear what the majority misses.  Where others feel the need to fill silence with things that don’t matter – you want to talk about the things that do matter.  You want to talk about the why’s of life … and those why’s will almost always connect to another’s heart, because why’s point to our internal compass of core beliefs, personal stories, and future hopes.  These are things we all have, whether you’re introverted or extraverted!

 

You were created to bring connection.

 

The feeling of alone is paralyzing to the one built for connection, deep connection.  This is why introverts avoid overcrowded rooms – they simply don’t want to feel alone when they’re among people.  A room can feel like the extraverts have taken up all the space, in return you may find yourself occupying the small spot in the corner. Friend, I’m with you.  It can feel lonely in a crowded room.  Yet, I know there is a depth within you that allows many to feel seen, heard, and understood.  So while laughter erupts in the distance and chatter is all around – I’m asking you to be courageous … perhaps a little daring … find someone to talk to.  And may I add – please don’t compare your value to the extravert.  What you bring is completely different and unparalleled to our extraverted counterparts.  When the two personalities harmonize with respect, the once crowded room is given beneficial expansion. 

 

TIP:

From my experience I’ve learned to bypass small talk with questions that steer the conversation in the direction I feel comfortable with – questions that ask the heart instead of the brain.  For instance, a group of people I know attended a youth concert – instead of asking how it was, or if they had fun, I asked “What was your best take away from the event?”  When we begin a conversation, or ask a question that causes one to look inside their heart instead of how their brain reacted, we’re allowing depth to rise up – one question can open the door to deep connection.

 

TAKE-AWAY:

Lastly, before the holiday parties and gatherings consume your calendar – decide what is most important to you, and stick with it.  It’s taken me twenty-five years to figure this out, and sadly, twenty-five years of feeling forced and overwhelmed at the holidays. Giving myself boundaries have allowed me to give the best of myself. If that means I drive separately so I may leave a party early, so be it.  Or, if I decide I’m not up for entertaining, let it be so.  Most of us feel we need an excuse to turn down an invitation. What helped me was realizing when I said “yes” to everyone else, I was saying “no” to myself. 

 

Here are some other ways to enjoy the holidays …

  • You need not apologize for needing a break when it all gets too hectic. Your needs are just as valid as the extroverts’. No comparison, simply different.

 

  • Think about when you feel most stressed and exhausted and work out whether you can build in some alone time, either before or after the most stressful periods.

 

  • Explain your needs to family and friends, this way they won’t misread a need as a rejection from you.  Don’t give up your needs based on another’s wants. 

 

Introverts can enjoy the holidays, we can experience the joy of the season.  In fact, the holidays need us.  As we listen, engage in conversation, and give the best of ourselves – the holidays become an expression of deep connections and productive conversations.  You need only go at your pace – just be sure to go.

 

Here’s to a peaceful Christmas season,♥

Let’s stay connected

When emotions runneth over – this will help

Why can’t I stop crying? –  I’m sorry for my tears. –  I must be hormonal. – All the things I’ve said and the explanations I’ve given about my emotions.  Relate?  It’s time to give space to your emotions, they are not against you – they are for you.

 

We were created to experience our emotions.  Emotions lead us to our behaviors – the reasons we do what we do.  Our emotions can also indicate areas that feel out of sorts, challenged, or even wounded.  Consider your emotions to be the indicators of your heart’s temperature.  When emotions over heat and over flow … it’s time to ask ‘why’? 

 

Personally, our Christmas is changing rapidly, and it rattles me.  It rattles my core beliefs of what a Christmas with my family should look and feel like.  With a daughter across the country, another who is married, and my youngest whom I want to give all the traditions her older sisters had … my tears overflow at times with the change at hand.  And those tears have individuality – some are tears of sadness, some are angry, some are resentful, some are selfish …

 

And that’s OK.

 

It’s OK to feel the things that cause our heart temperature to rise.  In fact, the healthiest thing to do for your mind and heart is allow the feelings to flow through you.  

 

When feelings flow freely – they are given passage ways of release.

 

As those emotions rise – ask yourself questions like:

  • Why is this bothering me so deeply?
  • Are my thoughts rational? Meaning, am I making assumptions or are my thoughts fact based? 
  • What can I do change or enrich the outcome?
  • What positive outlook can I give this situation?
  • Am I giving myself enough time to process? Meaning, some big emotions take time to run their course … instead of a quick release, some emotions move through our body slower than others.  Put it this way – the depth of your love reveals the depth of your pain.  Those depths need a little longer to empty out. 

 

With my Christmas example in mind – my emotions were telling me a deeper story of expectations and ideals that I needed to surrender.  And the simple fact that the holidays do not define nor dictate the love our family has for each other.  Holidays can look different, they can even feel different – foundations established on love remain steady.

 

Friend, God knows what you’re feeling – He gave you those emotions on purpose.  Not to stuff them, hide them, or redirect them … no, He wants you to use them to navigate out of emotionally hard things and burdens you need not carry. 

 

Let those emotions flow through the current of navigating questions and gentle persuasions. 

 

Blessings,♥

Keep the encouragement coming