Christmas is a hopeful time of year no matter what personality type you are. However for the introvert it can feel overwhelming and forced. For us, it’s a balancing act of embracing the traditions without losing our joy … and there IS joy in the season – not in the shopping or preparing – the joy is in the giving and receiving, as well as relating in our faith to another. Much of those experiences are found at the gatherings, the parties, and the family chaos. The joy we desire is in the meaningfulness of the season.
How does an introvert enjoy the holiday without surrendering the depth of who they are?
Being a deep and sensitive person is truly a super power, you see and hear what the majority misses. Where others feel the need to fill silence with things that don’t matter – you want to talk about the things that do matter. You want to talk about the why’s of life … and those why’s will almost always connect to another’s heart, because why’s point to our internal compass of core beliefs, personal stories, and future hopes. These are things we all have, whether you’re introverted or extraverted!
You were created to bring connection.
The feeling of alone is paralyzing to the one built for connection, deep connection. This is why introverts avoid overcrowded rooms – they simply don’t want to feel alone when they’re among people. A room can feel like the extraverts have taken up all the space, in return you may find yourself occupying the small spot in the corner. Friend, I’m with you. It can feel lonely in a crowded room. Yet, I know there is a depth within you that allows many to feel seen, heard, and understood. So while laughter erupts in the distance and chatter is all around – I’m asking you to be courageous … perhaps a little daring … find someone to talk to. And may I add – please don’t compare your value to the extravert. What you bring is completely different and unparalleled to our extraverted counterparts. When the two personalities harmonize with respect, the once crowded room is given beneficial expansion.
TIP:
From my experience I’ve learned to bypass small talk with questions that steer the conversation in the direction I feel comfortable with – questions that ask the heart instead of the brain. For instance, a group of people I know attended a youth concert – instead of asking how it was, or if they had fun, I asked “What was your best take away from the event?” When we begin a conversation, or ask a question that causes one to look inside their heart instead of how their brain reacted, we’re allowing depth to rise up – one question can open the door to deep connection.
TAKE-AWAY:
Lastly, before the holiday parties and gatherings consume your calendar – decide what is most important to you, and stick with it. It’s taken me twenty-five years to figure this out, and sadly, twenty-five years of feeling forced and overwhelmed at the holidays. Giving myself boundaries have allowed me to give the best of myself. If that means I drive separately so I may leave a party early, so be it. Or, if I decide I’m not up for entertaining, let it be so. Most of us feel we need an excuse to turn down an invitation. What helped me was realizing when I said “yes” to everyone else, I was saying “no” to myself.
Here are some other ways to enjoy the holidays …
- You need not apologize for needing a break when it all gets too hectic. Your needs are just as valid as the extroverts’. No comparison, simply different.
- Think about when you feel most stressed and exhausted and work out whether you can build in some alone time, either before or after the most stressful periods.
- Explain your needs to family and friends, this way they won’t misread a need as a rejection from you. Don’t give up your needs based on another’s wants.
Introverts can enjoy the holidays, we can experience the joy of the season. In fact, the holidays need us. As we listen, engage in conversation, and give the best of ourselves – the holidays become an expression of deep connections and productive conversations. You need only go at your pace – just be sure to go.
Here’s to a peaceful Christmas season,♥
Let’s stay connected