Blog

Let it Go, Traditionally Speaking


OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

I’ve decided to let it go!  Before you burst into chorus with Elsa, let me just say, the cold does bother me!

 

“A kingdom of isolation, And it looks like I’m the queen.” Frozen

 

Every year my holiday traditions change.  While others anticipate the traditions they’ve grown up expecting, mine seem to never carry over to the next year.  I have struggled to attain a tradition I could call my own . . . some timeless treasure of pastime, something to pass to the next year and generation.  Perhaps growing up in a broken home where traditions where established then abruptly taken away, has left me feeling like I still don’t have stability.  Traditions can be stabilizing.  Our holidays are continually changing therefore leaving me to feel unstable.  We tend to believe if we feel unstable, surely our children do also! (not true)  Just like Elsa, I’m guilty of isolating myself from fun and adventure due to fear.

 


The night my traditional isolation room  was exposed:

Husband:  “They’re planning on staying a week.”

said queen:  “ . . . but when will we open gifts?  We won’t be alone until after Christmas!” 


 

Sometimes I need to vent.  Venting helps sort the information that is coming at you rapidly with emotional fuel.  I have learned that venting is my way of processing thought; thankfully, I have a trusted few that can handle the heat from my vents opening wide.  With only one sentence spoken, I was feeling anger set in.  I was angry that every year changed.  Every year was something new, a wrench really, thrown into my perfect idea of what the holidays should consist of.  Shouldn’t I have given my kids some kind of tradition to pass down yet?  Would people please recognize that I WANT A TRADITION, A ROUTINE!  I laid on my bed irritated that my desires were brushed aside, my desire of having a perfect Christmas morning, on Christmas morning!  A perfect notion that gifts should be opened early, jammies should be worn all day, movies, music, cookies and ham should be nibbled on repeatedly through out the day . . . I am a queen indeed.

 

It took me a few hours, perhaps the amount of time it takes for me to step out of the pity room in my head.  As usual my Fathers voice was gentle when this question dropped into my thoughts, “What do they look forward to the most?”  He was referring to my children.  My thoughts began to race through the last 15 years of holidays.  Every year my girls talk about how exciting Christmas is, how it’s always different, how they are racing from one house to the next, then racing around the house on a sled being pulled by a snowmobile and a crazy cousin driver (or older sister).  Every year they are sad to see extended family leave, sad to see the refrigerator get emptied from all the take-out food.  And every year I never see them not smiling.

 

“ . . . but when will we open gifts?” . . . That tradition was something I had before my parents divorced.  The tradition of opening gifts before sun up, and I was fighting to keep something I had to let go.  We’ve all done it.  We fight to keep something because in the past it brought us pleasure.  We program our heads to believe there is a right way and a wrong way of celebrating.  We allow ourselves to feel inadequate so we strive for traditional perfection and miss the joy of the day.  My kids will not remember the clean or messy living rooms, the sink that overflowed with dishes (or how many times I loaded and unloaded the dishwasher).  They will not remember if all their gifts had bows or if they got exactly what they wanted . . . they will remember the days exactly how they want to remember them.  And I will let my tradition seeking go and rest in the security of Fathers love that is more satisfying than any tradition, because what I look forward to the most is . . . the happiness.

 

“Let it go, let it go, And I’ll rise like the break of dawn
Let it go, let it go
That perfect girl is gone!” Frozen

 

I’m not sure when we’ll open gifts or what we’ll eat . . . but we’ll be surrounded with family.

Family is our tradition, and He gives the gift of happiness. 

blog signature


December 2, 2015
Comments