Without Comparison – your pain matters

There are mornings when memories play like old movies behind my eyes before getting out of bed.  Memories of when my daughters were young; holding their small bodies as they fell asleep, the way their face would perfectly nuzzle into my neck . . . the day their car drove away with suitcase packed.  I haven’t decided if I’m grateful or saddened by these memory clips that run behind my eyes … only that their there, they happened, and that time will never return.  It’s an odd thing, that sadness and gratefulness can mix … those who grieve understand.

I also feel unqualified to share that I’m still grieving two empty bedrooms.  These days have been hard for so many that I know.  I’ve seen too many bury a loved one and here I am, sad that mine are simply not home anymore.

Years ago, during a bible study (I can’t recall what the study was about) … my friend shared the events of his bad day; frustration, busyness – the cruel realities of his story had us all nodding along with understanding.  Then, another friend spoke up – she shared her day’s event of being in chemo, and the realities of grieving an expectation that didn’t become a reality. 

For anyone listening to the two stories, it would have been easy to say my first friend had nothing to complain about, his story seemed miniscule and almost disrespectful to the woman who was suffering the greatest . . . I watched as his face and shoulders dropped simultaneously at her story of a crushing day . . . and I felt him disappear within himself as he didn’t share again for the rest of the evening.

Has that ever happened to you?  You’ll get courageous and be vulnerable only to have someone else’s story leave you feeling, “I got nothing to complain about?”  And that’s good if it helps you see with grateful perspective … However, let’s keep the comparison out of what hurts. Because what we end up doing, is create a standard of which pain is worthy of giving attention to.  This creates a false narrative of the truth about God’s loving attention toward us.

Back to the bible study, the next day God whispered an entire impression on my heart that caused me to call my friend . . . “There are no degrees of pain that are more or less worthy of God’s attention.”  It’s true – if there is one thing we all understand, it is pain.  Whether it’s physical pain, emotional pain, grieving, or the pain of hardships … there is not one human being on this planet that can’t relate to being or feeling hurt … pain is what unites us as human beings and it’s what motivates us to extend a hand of help. 

• Pain is relatable and it’s what causes us to reach for another; for help or to be a helper.
• Pain reveals what’s important to us.
• Pain fuels our prayers.
• Pain reminds us we’re human, in need of a God who is stronger and more capable than us.

If you’re processing pain, you’re not alone.  Remember, God’s attention is toward you.  On your good days or bad days, there is no level of pain more or less worthy of His care for you . . . His love is not measured by the severity of your pain; He has no scale at which He uses to measure what is deemed attention worthy.  No matter what your pain is – emotional, physical, perhaps the hard reality that life is not what you expected or hoped it to be right now . . . 

You’re pain is not going unseen – God’s attention is toward you.

As for man, his days are like grass;
As a flower of the field, so he flourishes.
For the wind passes over it, and it is gone,
And its place remembers it no more.
But the mercy of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting
On those who fear Him,
And His righteousness to children’s children,
To such as keep His covenant,
And to those who remember His commandments to do them.

Psalm 103

Blessings,