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Will This Wound Ever Heal?


Will this pain close

Writing raw is not always a silent, sweet melody … at times it feels like swallowing jagged glass.  For some unknown reason to me, writing helps to soothe the cuts.  I believe authentic relationship is birthed from authentic humility … so I write, I write to live authentic.  My prayer is the wounds you still feel, the one’s that never seem to heal and bleed uncontrollably at the worst of times … are given validation and purpose through one bleeding heart to another.

 

Will This Wound Ever Heal?

 

To explain the background story to my ever present wound would seem like a maze of bunny trails to you … so let me start here and give you the shortened version.  The wound occurred at the age of eight; my parents divorced and my entire life started over.  Any foundation I had up until that point was ripped away in one silent night … literally.  This wound will bubble with infection from time to time.  Times when I think I’m doing good and life seems happy … this wound (without giving notice) will start to cry out and I find myself suffocating again in the pain of a foundation ripped apart beneath my feet.

 

Will this wound ever heal?

Will the tears ever stop?

Will I ever not feel the hurt?

Will the painful memories ever stop surfacing?

Will I ever be whole?

 

Have you ever whispered any of those questions?  When a memory surfaces my throat tightens, tears fill my eyes and no matter how hard I try to slam the door to the memory, my heart begins to bleed … If that happens to you, let me tell you, it’s okay to cry hard, it’s okay to get angry, it’s okay to say something hurts and recognize what hurt you … it’s okay to get out what you’ve kept trapped inside.

 

There are times when an emotional vomit is necessary to ease the heart ache.  And when the emotional vomiting has stopped and your eyes are swollen, your head hurts from nasal congestion …

 

I wish I could guarantee your prayers would take the pain away …

Or living a righteous, bible believin’ life will stop the pain …

I wish I could tell you the closer you draw to the Lord the pain will stop …

Or trusting in His plan will make the pain stop …

 

I can’t guarantee any of that because I’ve done all those and I still carry the pain of a covenant relationship torn apart and the foundation I’d known be taken away.  It still deeply hurts; I still gasp for air when the memories surface … I still weep like the eight-year-old little girl.  And from time to time … I still emotionally vomit.

 

Will this pain ever heal or does the pain lead us to remember His mercy?

 

The only thing I will guarantee you is this: Time and distance does not heal pain, they bring perspective. Click To Tweet

 

When I look back I see how His hand was upon my life even when life offered me nothing but heartache.

 

When memories surface, my heart bleeds and the little girl cries … but I see His grace for today because of what He has walked me through from the past.

 

When my throat closes tight and suffocation begins to take my breath … I see how He loved me when I had no arms around me.

 

If I must bleed, let me bleed to help another.

 

“And He said to them, “This is My blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many.” Mark 14:24

 

Jesus bled out for us … He gave His life for us, His pain was for us.  Shouldn’t we follow His example and use our pain for another? …

 

Shouldn’t we use our pain to give hope? …

Shouldn’t we use our pain to give truth? …

Shouldn’t we allow humility to bring wholeness? …

 

Our wounds may never heal until the day we are received into glory … I anticipate that day, until then, there is a work to be done.  This pain we carry may bleed uncontrollably at times, it’s okay … time and distance bring perspective to Fathers grace, mercy and relentless love for us.

“Father, if this wound never closes, purpose my pain to bring glory to You.”

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My book, Discover Your Inspired Truth will help guide you by revealing His truths to your wounds.  Keep going, keep pressing through … we’re almost home. 


June 5, 2016
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