I love seeing people succeed. I love hearing their stories and watching their aspirations unfold. However, there have been times when I feel a sour squint behind my happy-for-you smile. Have you ever felt sour? Like when your walking partner drops five pounds and you’ve gained two … Happy for you! (sour squint) … Or when your friend’s teenager complies with every house rule along with a smile and a hug, meanwhile your teenager is ruling the house with cold shoulders and eye rolls … Happy for you! (sour squint).
You’re not a bad person for feeling sour at times. Comparison reminds us of our disappointments and unattained desires. And because we’re human … we all have our comparisons.
Her emails filter into my inbox and remind me of where I am not – not as disciplined, not as influential, not as successful. The thoughts weighs in like a heavy weighted blanket, give up, walk away, no one cares what you have to say, stop proceeding. Comparison sneaks in and wraps its arms around my legs, “You’re going nowhere.” it whispers.
Comparison can be a faithful companion to our disappointing places.
our body shape & size – our parenting styles – our marriage – spouse – children – income – career – spiritual life – intelligence – vacations – talents – this list could go on …
Comparison’s companionship is not exclusive, it’s found in men and women, young and old alike. Comparison’s goal is to remind you of what you’re not, and what you don’t have. If you concede to its perspective, you will have given it power to stunt your growth, limit your potential, and die to your dreams.
How do we break up with comparison’s company?
Own the realization that you’re comparing. When you’re honest with yourself comparison begins to dismantle – because comparison stirs a feeling (shame, jealousy, loneliness, lack, worry, etc.) knowing the action of comparison fuels the feelings of (fill in the blank), you can allow the logic to overrule the feelings.
Step away from the trigger. There are emails, social posts, even catalogs that come to my house that might as well have sandpaper attached to them … comparison is a rub that causes a gritty irritation. I’ve learned to not engage, not examine the photos, or listen to another’s “they’re so wonderful” commentary. Become confident in owning your mental and physical space – look away, turn away, and don’t engage in something that is going to cause a rub. Why? Because what you focus on, you’ll draw close to – comparison wants your attention.
Most importantly, grab on to this and hold it tight … Comparison’s thoughts are NOT God’s thoughts and they’ll never lead you to contentment or fulfillment. Only God’s thoughts can do that.
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:9
Comparison will steer your thoughts away from hope and excitement; hope in what could be, and excitement in the process of growing.
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
For we dare not class ourselves or compare ourselves with those who commend themselves. But they, measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise. 2 Corinthians 10:12
Friend, scripture is rich with the antidote to comparison. When the thoughts come, when the images arise and you feel yourself wearing a happy-for-you face with a sour squint, when anger and irritation rub gritty, or when ambition and excitement are snuffed out … call it what it is, your comparing – and move on knowing God has a plan and purpose for YOUR journey.
Take the next hopeful step, embrace the next exciting venture, know your journey is being orchestrated by a Good Planner (God!) … keep pressing forward no matter the obstacles.
Bye, bye, comparison – we’re done!
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Very timely – thank you for making the complicated simple.