Category: Heart

How to live after the death of doing hard things

It feels like death, my throat closes as oxygen is forced through a narrow opening.  My stomach rises and falls as surges of liquid adrenaline is released into my bloodstream … nausea, cold sweats, and heart palpitations are felt as my brain gets flooded with chemicals that stop all rational thought.  I may even burst out in tears as fears, worries, and injustice’s fill my mind. These thoughts crush my peace and I search frantically to make sense or bring them to a navigable and peaceful conclusion.

 

When you’re in the midst of doing a hard thing, it feels like you’re pressing into death.

 

Hard Things.

Pressing through past trauma, setting healthy boundaries, burying loved ones, walking away from abuse, watching as your child leaves home, losing a job, or getting a phone call that changed the way of life as you knew it … this life has too many hard things. Hard moments, hard realizations, hard outcomes, and in turn can impose a hardening of one’s heart.  

 

How do we live when we feel like death is taking over our health, our family, our finances … our peace?

 

Friend, as hard as this is to accept … you must not resist death, rather allow it to flow over you. Acknowledge the parts that feel like they’re dying (dreams, seasons, memories, your story).  We can hold fast to the promise that where there is death, there is new life. 

 

A page from my journal, when God revealed the how-to …

The woods felt moist on this winter warming day.  I left tracks of cracked ice as the frozen, puddled trail lead me through the forest. Well packed deer trails intercepted mine and I wondered where they lead? Curiosity in me wants to follow them, maybe stumble upon some wonderful wooded surprise. 

Looking for surprises was not what led me to the woods … my heart was heavy with having to do a hard thing.  I stopped at a tree covered with grey/blue fungus and began to unpack the weight … “I’m tired of doing hard things, Jesus. I’m tired of dying” … memories flood my mind as I recall being alone while pressing through past hard things … “Why am I always alone?” … because one day I will stand before Jesus alone, and after dying hundreds of  deaths, there is an odd confidence in death, or rather, confident that Jesus gives new life from death.

“Jesus, how do I live through hard things?”

As I was in this honest moment with the Lord, my dog kicked up a deer … my dog ran past me gasping for air, nose focused on the jumping deer.  Watching him from a distance I tried to refocus my thoughts … “As I was saying, Lord, how …”  The startled deer turned and ran toward me with my dog in pursuit.  Feeling frustrated with this scene, I shouted the command “LEAVE IT!"  He stopped, then my dog turned and walked to me.

In that moment, an awareness to the scene washed over me - this is the way to survive death. You must leave it.

 

The way to survive death is to leave the death behind.

 

How many times have you kicked up memories, re-read emails and text messages?  Chased people for attention or validation?  Or stuck your nose to the ground of whatever next-best, self-help, name-it-claim-it sermon or program that assured happiness, enlightenment, or freedom from all the things that cause you stress?

 

We live by leaving the hard thing behind us.  Leaving it is the only way you can begin to live; newly live with perspective of new hope and new life.  When we leave death behind, we walk toward the resurrected God …

 

I’m always in awe at how quickly the disciples followed Jesus.  In some ways Jesus said, “Leave it” when he petitioned them to “Follow Him” … the disciples left behind family and a life they expected.  They left their home, their identity, wealth, responsibilities, and I’m sure so many more details we fail to see from our perspective.

 

I pray you hear God call out to you, “Leave it!”  Leave the pain, the heartache, the self-condemnation – leave the burden, the weight, the expectations … leave the hard thing behind you and keep walking toward Jesus.  

 

A prayer to help guide you …

“Jesus, thank you for Your resurrected life in me. Thank you that in You, I live and have my identity. Teach me, instruct me, and guide me in all my ways … help me to leave behind the hard things, the places where I felt death or caused another to feel death.  Remind me of Your love, a love that calls out to me and brings me back to Your side.”

 

Keep following after Jesus,

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When emotions runneth over – this will help

Why can’t I stop crying? –  I’m sorry for my tears. –  I must be hormonal. – All the things I’ve said and the explanations I’ve given about my emotions.  Relate?  It’s time to give space to your emotions, they are not against you – they are for you.

 

We were created to experience our emotions.  Emotions lead us to our behaviors – the reasons we do what we do.  Our emotions can also indicate areas that feel out of sorts, challenged, or even wounded.  Consider your emotions to be the indicators of your heart’s temperature.  When emotions over heat and over flow … it’s time to ask ‘why’? 

 

Personally, our Christmas is changing rapidly, and it rattles me.  It rattles my core beliefs of what a Christmas with my family should look and feel like.  With a daughter across the country, another who is married, and my youngest whom I want to give all the traditions her older sisters had … my tears overflow at times with the change at hand.  And those tears have individuality – some are tears of sadness, some are angry, some are resentful, some are selfish …

 

And that’s OK.

 

It’s OK to feel the things that cause our heart temperature to rise.  In fact, the healthiest thing to do for your mind and heart is allow the feelings to flow through you.  

 

When feelings flow freely – they are given passage ways of release.

 

As those emotions rise – ask yourself questions like:

  • Why is this bothering me so deeply?
  • Are my thoughts rational? Meaning, am I making assumptions or are my thoughts fact based? 
  • What can I do change or enrich the outcome?
  • What positive outlook can I give this situation?
  • Am I giving myself enough time to process? Meaning, some big emotions take time to run their course … instead of a quick release, some emotions move through our body slower than others.  Put it this way – the depth of your love reveals the depth of your pain.  Those depths need a little longer to empty out. 

 

With my Christmas example in mind – my emotions were telling me a deeper story of expectations and ideals that I needed to surrender.  And the simple fact that the holidays do not define nor dictate the love our family has for each other.  Holidays can look different, they can even feel different – foundations established on love remain steady.

 

Friend, God knows what you’re feeling – He gave you those emotions on purpose.  Not to stuff them, hide them, or redirect them … no, He wants you to use them to navigate out of emotionally hard things and burdens you need not carry. 

 

Let those emotions flow through the current of navigating questions and gentle persuasions. 

 

Blessings,♥

Keep the encouragement coming

For the wife who feels alone

For the wife who is hurting … my prayer is you’ll see how close God is to you, how He tenderly meets all your needs in His ways.  I pray you never feel alone rather seen, heard, accepted, valued, and held close.

During the first many years of marriage loneliness was a companion of mine.  My husband’s new job provided me the ability to stay home with our two small children – however, he’d be gone several days at a time with only a few precious hours at home between his trips away. My days were busy chasing little ones around – feeding, cleaning, wiping, washing … bath time, story time, bed time – over and over by myself.

 

I missed my husband.  Actually, the loneliness was bigger than just missing my husband, I was sad my new little family was missing time with their dad.  

 

Loneliness may have been a weighty companion; however, no weight is too heavy for God.  In amongst the chasing and wiping, God saw and heard my heart, it was there that God called himself what I’d long to receive – He called Himself my Husband.  

 

Thank you, Lord, but it’s not the same. I couldn’t feel my husband’s skin or watch him play with our kids through God – how would God be my husband and give me the companionship I desired?  I’d thought I misheard until I read this …

 

For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is His name; and your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel; He is called the God of the whole earth. For the Lord has called you like a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, like a youthful wife when you were refused,” Says your God. Isaiah 54: 5,6

 

I imagine that if God called Himself a Husband, then He already knew you would need Him.  For the wife who feels alone, neglected, rejected … abused, wounded, violated … heartbroken and angry.  God made Himself a name for you to lean into, trust, and find healing. 

 

God calls Himself your Husband because there are areas of your heart that only He can see and knows how to repair; the unspoken heartache, the thoughts and feelings that weigh heavy. With God there is no sin separating your relationship – no boundaries crossed, no words or acts to be forgiven, no loneliness with His leading. 

 

There are some pains that cannot be mended by our husband – and no love language can speak loud enough to cover the pain.  Some wounds occurred prior to marriage and others happened within the safety of marriage.  When two people decide to enter into covenant they are also deciding to sanctify, purify, and bring each other closer to their Maker.  Eventually our need for Jesus will be revealed in major and minor ways – and in those hard, enduring moments we must lay our husband at the foot of the cross while we lean upon the heart of God our Husband.    

 

In those hard years I learned a lot and healed a lot – all those lessons grew our marriage and created in me a tenacity to never give up on each other, to never think I was too overcome or life would be better elsewhere … no, the companionship God gave healed past and present wounds and breathed life into dull and forsaken areas.  

 

How do you do this?  How do you lean onto the heart of God your Husband? … humility, vulnerability, and honesty.  For me, it was a matter of seeing the work at hand as the foundation for our future.  My children needed me, my husband needed me … and therefore I needed more of God.  Your leaning may look different, it may look like you reaching out for professional help or a trusted friend to pray with you.  This is leaning – humbling ourselves to invite help, being vulnerable enough to allow insight and letting the truth of our pain bring the truth of God’s Word.

 

If your marriage is less than what you’d hoped for or perhaps you feel an ache for more, let that pain be an indication of what you need from God your Husband.  No matter what your reality is, God trumps your reality with His leadership.  Your Maker is your Husband and He will bind up the wounds and give you beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning and the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.  (Isaiah 61)

 

Pursuing Him together,

 

Let’s stay connected

A prayer to help release trauma

I’ve sat with friends who’ve said, “I just don’t know what to feel.”  Usually, their shoulders droop and their face goes emotion-less … they struggle for words to explain the condition of their heart – it’s overwhelmed with all the emotions tied to memories and thoughts they feel responsible for and those they don’t … it’s too much to articulate and explain.  They ultimately carry the trauma because, if you can’t explain it how can you get help for it? 

 

If only remaining quiet was the magic eraser – when actually remaining quiet creates a continuous loop of neuronic behavior in our brains … ultimately programing brain pathways to remain in pain, heartbroken, silent and traumatized.

 

This is a prayer, started out for myself, that I am inviting you to pray, to ponder … to help lead you to a place where your heart can begin to unravel from trauma’s grip. Or perhaps you know someone struggling with trauma, you can insert their name.

 

I bless you and your sacred journey to finding freedom through Jesus.

 

 

Lord Jesus, bring to death any “old ways” of responding and reacting to manipulation, trauma and fear. Dismantle the ungodly structures of defense and establish new neurological connections to joy. Rebuild within ______ new Godly structures of defense based on scripture; trust in you; and true understanding of his/her/my spiritual authority as a daughter/son of the King our Lord and Savior.

Fill every cell with your peace and healing mercy and grace. Displace the darkness with your light. Keep ______ in your perfect peace, especially when faced with memories or hard situations. Thank you, Jesus, for your steadfast and faithful love that brings complete and everlasting healing.

We pray this in the mighty name of Christ Jesus, as we acknowledge His sovereignty and completed work on the cross for us. By the blood of Jesus, we are free.

Amen

Guiding Scriptures:

2 Corinthians 5:17: Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!

Psalm 5:11: But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you.

Psalm 19:8: The precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the Lord are radiant, giving light to the eyes.

2 Corinthians 6:18: “I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.”

Romans 8:14: For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God.

Isaiah 53:4-5: Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.

Psalm 147:3: He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Matthew 26:27-28: Then he took a cup, and when he had given thanks, he gave it to them, saying, “Drink from it, all of you. This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.

Let’s stay connected

Real talk for the forty and fifty year old women

It’s not me, it’s the perimenopause – if you’re at the age of uttering those words, let’s talk.  As if life wasn’t constantly throwing enough emotional and physical challenges, let’s throw in some inactive and overactive hormones just to shake off the last bit of a woman’s sanity!  I’ve recently read a great book on the subject, however one thing the book couldn’t give was community. 

 

For these next brief moments, let’s relate to each other instead of trying to fix or compare.  Maybe you need to hear there is a woman out there going through the same hormonal shift you are?  Maybe hearing a few of my struggles will help ease you through yours?  Yes, the community of perimenopausal women are a shifting group … a sweaty, mood swinging, and achy bunch of women who are balancing (along with children, work, and home) a sputtering and glitchen endocrine system.

 

Let’s talk …

 

If I sit, I sleep

Even my richest coffee bean isn’t enough to fuel my motives anymore. Late afternoon naps have become a thing now – laying in bed with a 90’s sitcom, yes please.  For the woman whose spent decades raising, chasing, and releasing children, or getting up at the crack of dawn to earn the paycheck – let me tell you, you’ve earned the right to nap. Please do.

 

Give yourself grace to try different medicine

I’ve always had hesitation with pharmaceuticals, in my opinion I’d rather fix the problem than get a band-aid solution.  After a decade of chronic migraines, perimenopause has given way to more migraines (ugh).  It was time to try the medical helps I would never have considered before.  If you’re struggling with pain, do yourself good … pray, research, then release your options to God and move forward with the helps.  If you’re like me and want to try natural routes first, I highly recommend this book, Hormone Repair Manual: Every Woman’s Guide to Healthy Hormones After 40

 

Diet dilemmas – Eat this – Never eat that – Eat when you’re hungry, but never before bed

We’ve been conditioned to believe our body must look a certain way to be healthy or beautiful and in order to get the perfect body, we must eat the perfect way … my metabolism isn’t getting the cultural memo – Hey metabolism, wake up!  Listening to our body and giving it food rich with minerals, vitamins and proteins is the best thing we can do.  If that means I’m eating a chicken thigh with guac and salsa at 10 pm – so be it!  If that means I roll through a drive through once a week for a cinnamon roll – damn it, we’re allowed to enjoy a sweet treat!  Enjoy healthful food – and by all means have a carb and nourish the body that has been faithful to you.

 

Just give us comfort in the form of stretchy-soft material.

Remember The Golden Girls?  Most nights they sat around a kitchen table eating cheesecake while their tunic style night gowns covered the belly rolls.  Oh the comfort!  Today we call it Boho … more fabric, less sinch and I’m all for it!  And if you think this fashion sense isn’t sexy – think again. 

 

And while we’re talking sexy …

Feeling desirable is a state of mind – not a response from another.  A woman who carries herself with confidence and wisdom, a woman who has overcome challenges in life and remains humble, forgiving, teachable, and tender … she is attractive at a soul level.  Our jeans may be getting snug but may our heart be ever expanding – amen.

 

Friend, I hope you know what a treasure you are.  I hope you know that shifting hormones do not define you or your state of mind right now.  I hope you compare yourself less to the world’s standard and step confidently into the grace of God … who knows our heart and is blessing us with age.  Let’s just take a moment to acknowledge where we are, have a laugh, and keep moving forward.

 

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